Goal of the Tournament:
Siphiwe Tshabalala for South Africa v Mexico. The first strike of the tournament and one that for me was never topped. Van Bronckhorst, Forlan, Tevez and Ozil all managed to spank it in from long range, but Tshabalala's strike was just unstoppable. The build up play was excellent and he could not have hit the ball any sweeter - the keeper had no chance and if the net weren't there the ball would still be rising. The moment the ball found the top corner, Cape Town erupted - and the bloke who jumped on me at the time is presumably still drunk.
The OMG award for Most Dramatic Moment:
The last few minutes of Uruguay v Ghana. Suarez had to do what he did - but the fact that the penalty was missed, and the shots of his jubilant celebrations at the time really left a sour taste. Surely when the ball is about to go in and is blocked illegally on the line, there should be a penalty goal award? The moment that Asamoah Gyan rattled the bar, you just knew it was not going to be for the Black Stars - but it created such drama that will be remembered for years.
The how the f*ck did you miss that Award:
During our time in Cape Town we visited an ostrich farm, where the tour guide introduced us to Stevie, the blind ostrich. Bless him, Stevie can't see where the food is that you try and feed him, so he just pecks the air and hopes it has food in it. What the tour guide didn't tell us however is that Stevie is also a FIFA approved linesman, and was on duty for the Germany v England second round match. It is the only logical explanation for how Frank Lampard's shot - a clear yard over the line - was missed.
Game of the Tournament:
Germany v Argentina, Quarter Final. The Argentinians boasted such power in attack that it was difficult to see how Germany could contain the likes of Messi, Tevez, Aguero, Higuain et al. They did, and then some. The 4-0 win for Germany was as close to perfection in terms of an all-round team performance as you will ever see. Disciplined and professional; but with a flair and panache that no other team matched - the fourth goal was a work of art. The most efficient, ruthless and clinical breakway goal you'll ever see - Klose's finish had the entire footballing world standing up to take notice of this bright young German team.
The Madeleine McCann tribute award:
Given to the player most guilty of going missing without a trace, this year's recipient is none other than England's bright hope: Wayne Rooney. His touch was awful, his pace was sluggish, his mood was defeatist and he never got going at all. That's two tournaments now for Rooney without a goal to his name, and the next time he plays in a World Cup he will be 28. The most frustrating thing is that you just know come August he'll be soaring for United. Massively disappointing.
Player of the Tournament:
This World Cup has not been dominated by any one individual. Sneijder, Forlan and Villa all stood out through their goalscoring exploits - Forlan in particular in an unfancied Uruguay side. Ozil and Schweinsteiger provided a good deal of creativity - but all four semi finalists got there on the back of solid teamwork. The best team ultimately won, and it stands to reason to give this award to their best player. That man is Xavi Hernandez. He is so pivotal to that team, and to Barcelona, as he just does everything so right. His vision is incomparable and his touch is outrageous. Tick follow tock follow tick follow tock follow tick.
The Zidane Headbutt Award:
Every World Cup ends up with one defining image. The football at times was frustratingly dull and prosaic, with teams too fearful of defeat. The final was a physical affair that was not a classic. The thing on everyone's lips (quite literally) during this tournament was the Vuvuzela. I think the defining image from WC2010 will be of fans blowing brightly coloured Vvuuvzelas and pissing off billions...erm I mean bringing a unique flavour and atmosphere to the tournament.
Actually screw that, what am I on about. Blatantly the key memory of this one is none other than Paul the psychic Octopus. He is awesome. He got everything right. All Hail Paul.
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