An Untidy Holiday Home

Or, to put it another way, a Messy Villa.

This hysterically witty piece of word play/over-elaborate failure of an intro serves the purpose of arriving at two names which will be haunting the minds of Real Madrid fans, players and manager until 17th April 2011.

Lionel Messi, David Villa, Xavi Hernandez and the rest of their Barcelona team-mates destroyed Madrid 5-0 at Camp Nou yesterday in the biggest domestic club game in the world. Watched by a worldwide audience in the hundreds of millions, they put on a show which was quite frankly as close to footballing perfection as I have ever seen.

The manner in which Barcelona dominated their opponent is nothing new - for years they have been dismantling teams with the potent blend of movement, possession, passing and pressing. This was another level though. Mourinho's Madrid team have yet to lose a competitive fixture. They have annihilated teams both domestically and in the Champions League, and Cristiano Ronaldo has continued his stunning goalscoring record against all comers this term. In short, they have looked like the Real deal. Last night, there was almost nothing they could do to contain the verve and tempo of Barca - for Mourinho to come out and magnanimously accept that they deserved to lose tells it's own story. Pep Guardiola's Barcelona team utterly humiliated their fiercest rivals and in a single stroke removed the veil of invincibility that Jose had threatened to create - again, this was just another level.

The fact that La Liga is nowadays such a two horse race lends even greater hype to these clashes, and Mourinho's presence as the Nemesis of Barcelona only cranks that up even further. Like, I suspect, many English football fans, I enjoy watching both Barca and Madrid - heresy to a true fan of either club I'm sure, but it is the case nonetheless. Having completed pilgrimages to both stadiums to watch each team play, and owning shirts of the Blanco and Blaugrana, at times in the past I've not known who to support in these clashes. Over recent years however, as a passionate believer in beautiful football I have been irresistibly drawn to supporting the team from Catalunya.

Ruud Gullit famously coined the phrase 'Sexy Football'. If his Chelsea side of the late 90's played sexy football, this Barcelona team play Backdoor Sluts Nine football. It is something that no other team in world football right now can replicate with such effectiveness, and is a style that - in my knowledge at least - no other team has been able to master, ever. Spain are up there, by virtue of having the same players in a different kit, but Leo isn't Spanish. The passing and movement throughout the team is just outrageously beautiful to watch, and when on such a stage as El Classico, I would argue there are few higher forms of art in the world as a Lionel Messi reverse through ball.

The pass to release Villa for his second and Barca's fourth goal was incredible; having beaten three players who by this stage only wanted to flatten him, the vision and then inch perfect execution was breathtaking. This was a virtuoso display from Messi, time and again he simply bypassed world class opposition and produced passes of ludicrous perfection (can you imagine what it must be like to play alongside him?!) to find teammates who are more than capable of capitalising and indeed returning the favour.

For me, there have been two outstanding players in football in my time as a fan. Zinedine Zidane, who made it look easier than anyone else; and the real Ronaldo, who when first on the scene simply blew my mind with what he was capable of, he was terrifying.

Lionel Messi makes it three.

For years now he has been the best player in the world - injuries held him back at first when breaking through at Barcelona but since they have subsided he has removed any argument. This year he has scored something stupid like 60 goals in 62 games for Barca. He has probably laid on a similar number. He is obviously the main man, and yet no-one can do anything about it. He is only 23 years old.

I only saw Maradona play as a drug-addled lunatic in the USA 94 world cup, and don't really remember him before that. I never saw Pele, or Cruyff, or Best. In any case, comparisons across the ages are impossible...but for me, Lionel Messi is fast approaching a stage where there is no debate any longer, he is potentially the greatest player to ever play the game.

On last night's evidence he is certainly on the right track to that kind of status. What a player, what a game, what a team.

2022: To boldly go

Two blogs in two days?! I hear you cry...the reason for this outburst of productivity is that next week's World Cup decision is for both the 2018 and 2022 tournaments. So to conclude the mini series, this post is looking at the contenders for the World Cup which will occur when I am 38. Thirty-freaking-eight. Jiminy Jilickers, Radioactive Man...that is frightening.

As with 2018, there are four contenders. This time, Europe and South America are excluded from contention, and the final four could not cover a wider geographical range. Next week one of USA, Japan, Qatar and Australia will be celebrating.

No messing around, straight into it - USA and Japan should not be picked.

Japan co-hosted the tournament in 2002 with South Korea, so they have to wait a bit longer to get their next turn. Until everyone has eaten, you can't go up for seconds.

USA have also been relatively recent hosts, albeit 28 years before the next time if they were to be successful. Again I think that others should be given a turn, but furthermore I think USA should be excluded on the grounds that fundamentally they just don't care that much. It is true that the 94 world cup set attendance records and made FIFA a fortune, it is true that officially more Americans bought tickets to South Africa than any other nation, and it's true that they have Universal Islands of Adventure which is hellah cool; but football will never be the main focus for Americans. The 94 world cup was supposed to kick things off in a big way, it hasn't quite done that so no point repeating the exercise.

This leaves two, both would be first-timers, and they could not be more contrasting.

Australia is the size of a continent. The host cities, chosen to align with the A-League, are mainly scattered along the East Coast - well known tourist hotspots such as Sydney, Brisbane, and the Gold Coast, as well as further South, Melbourne and Adelaide and the lone West Coast outpost of Perth. None of these cities are strangers to strangers if that makes sense, the venues and the country itself being well set up for tourism and major events.

Attempting to avoid all locally influenced bias, it is clear that Australia has a hell of a lot to offer as a draw for football fans across the globe. The fact is though, that you have to fly halfway across the globe just to make it here. Football fans will save up the money and travel the miles, no doubt, but an Australian tournament with the cost and distance involved would rule out visitors from less fortunate parts of the world.

That is probably applicable to any of the four contenders however so it's not necessarily something to hold against the Aussie bid, but now we turn to the final one, in many ways the wild card: Qatar.

The Middle East has never held a tournament like this, and quite possibly the main reason for this is simple. It gets HOT. Temperatures of the high 40s are commonplace at that time of year, and although the bid has promised air conditioned stadiums, training areas and fan fests, that has to be a factor. It surely will have an effect on the fitness and performance of the players and could easily be unbearable for visitors.

Reading through the Qatar bid though, one compelling factor for me was in the size of the country. It's tiny - around the size of Yorkshire. Due to the planned rail network, the longest time to travel between any 2 stadiums is 1 hour. That means, and brace yourself for this, it would be possible to go to all three games in a day during the group stages. O M F G. That would be one hell of a day (although based on my Cape Town form I'd get three 0-0's) and is something that has never been on offer at any of the modern World Cups.

A further factor that I think gives real support to the Qatar bid is that it is a part of the world that receives a lot of negative attention and mistrust. The first time I visited the Arab world, Abu Dhabi to be precise, I was struck by the fact that the Western image of Muslim countries is completely incorrect and can be quite damaging. It's a fascinating thing to experience such a different culture and really opened my eyes. It would be a good thing for people from around the world to see this for themselves and (start playing 'Heal the World' in your head) could do a lot to improve global relations or whatever the hell you'd call it.

In my opinion both the Aussie and Qatari bids have a lot going for them, and the prospect of either one would be something to look forward to. They offer so many positive benefits to visitors and to themselves, that for me either would be a worthy winner.

It's not for me to call it between the two, I just hope it does go to one of them - although knowing FIFA it will go to whoever makes them the most money. USA 2022? Don't bet against it.

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Being the only 'Pom' in an office watching live when Peter Siddle takes a game turning middle order hat-trick? Not fun. Just so you know.

2018 England...United?

In a little over a week's time, one of the most transparent, unbiased, fair and democratic committees on Earth will meet to decide the location for the World Cup in 2018 and 2022.

Here in Australia all focus is on the 2022 bid for which they are in with a great shout - blog on that to follow - but of more pressing concern for Europe is 2018. The tournament is guaranteed to be held in the smallest continent, with the four bids coming from England, Russia, Spain/Portugal and Netherlands/Belgium. As the vote draws ever closer I've been giving it more and more thought, and to my surprise I've found myself in conflict.

The World Cup is the biggest and most important sporting event in the world from my point of view. The Olympics is a fantastic spectacle, and it always delivers high drama and great moments, but for people who live and breathe football all the time, the World Cup is the pinnacle.

To think that we could have it in England is on an instinctive level just incredible - can you imagine how brilliant it would be to have three games a day across England; regional towns would adopt the nations that they host; people from all over the world would bring their own songs and atmosphere to our shores. It would all be so accessible (one thing moving to Australia shows you is just how small England really is) and it would all be held in superb stadiums. Also there would not be a bloody vuvuzela to be heard.

Euro 96 was, at the time, and even more so now with 14 years of nostalgia behind it, one hell of a month for me. I didn't attend a game, I didn't even go into London whilst the tournament was on - and yet I loved every second, and watched every second. To have the World Cup at a time in my life when I'd hopefully be able to attend a number of games and failing that make the most of the Fan Fests etc would surely be a high point. I know first hand what the atmosphere is like at a World Cup and it only makes sense that you would want that in your own 'back yard' as they say.

However, every so often, I try and think about things rationally. Not too much mind you but just now and then.

Is a World Cup really what our country needs?

I don't have the necessary insight and understanding to debate the economics of it. South Africa spent an obscene amount of money to get a tournament that brings in my view questionable benefits to it's needy citizens. I'm sure the bid team have put together a compelling case for how much hosting 2018 would boost our economy. It just seems to me on a purely simplistic level that when the government are making all kinds of cutbacks and millions of people could do with a hand, we shouldn't really be spending a fortune on a football tournament. We've seen how costs can spiral with the Olympics and I'm not certain another burden is required.

Furthermore, I have my doubts as to the welcome that fans of other teams would receive. After Gareth Southgate passed the Germans into the 96 final, riots broke out across the country and a Russian student was stabbed. After our elimination in 2004 and 2006, my home town of Croydon was smashed to pieces by frustrated, drunk, chav retard England 'fans'. When Bafana Bafana crashed out at the group stage, the whole country partied and made the most of having had the opportunity, and to be fair the team didn't really let them down. And so we come to the other huge factor.

Our Team.

Apparently people booed after the insipid defeat to France last week, even though it was a youthful and experimental team. The World Cup campaign was clearly a disaster, but regardless of the current state, we have always had far too high an opinion of ourselves and our chances. The pressure on the England team to win the tournament if they hosted it would be immense, and the media would be basically intolerable. Brazil go into the next World Cup as most likely favourites, and under horrendous pressure, but at least they have the players, the record and the calibre to give the favourite billing some gravity.

England are not a World Cup winning team, nor have they been for the majority of my life. There is no solid reason to think they could become one in 8 years, but the pressure if we were hosts would be atrocious. It would probably ruin a couple of careers - would you want to be the blundering defensive scapegoat or penalty missing Pizza Hut star who cost us the World Cup in our own country? No. me neither.

Maybe, just maybe, it would be best if it went to Spain. Lets face it, Easyjet fly there pretty cheap, there are few better places for a long weekend than Barcelona, and the sol y cerveza would not go amiss either.

England United? I'm not so sure.

Ashes to Ashes

Unsurprisingly, the full attention of the sporting media in Australia right now is focussed entirely on the imminent Ashes series, with the first Test getting under way in Brisbane on Thursday. The over-riding feel is one of trepidation - the Aussie team has not been enjoying anything resembling good form of late, and there is a growing unrest among factions of the media about who should be captain of the side, among other divisive issues.

Perhaps the biggest contributory factor towards this lack of the more traditional (but often justified) arrogance that used to fuel the predictions of 5-0 whitewashes, is that the Aussies have a genuine respect for their visitors. They regard England as a strong team, with some outstanding individuals, and a much improved winning mentality.

England, for their part, have been putting in a number of impressive performances in preparation, but have crucially never started to believe the hype. They know this is going to be a tough series, and would never fall into the trap of dismissing the chances of their illustrious hosts...regardless of form, Australia in Australia will never be an easy task. It certainly seems poised to be an intriguing Summer of cricket, with both sides wary of each other but in belief of their own merits.

What this shows, and where we turn the conversation on to football, is that the way you perceive your opponent can define your chances before a ball is even kicked.

My beloved Sunday League team AFC Hamsey (miss you lads, keep the wins coming, Tumanzi) provided a perfect case study in this, week after week. Within the first 5 minutes of getting together, you could see whether the team was 'up for' the game or not - and invariably this came down to who we would be up against. The stronger teams and more important games against close rivals would usually inspire focus, determination and good performances. Turning up to face a team that had been beaten week in week out and you could see we would not take it seriously - invariably the result would be sloppy, sub-par and lazy football. Often that would suffice, but that's not the point - it's how you approach a game that counts.

One result in particular this weekend seemed to provide compelling evidence that this approach is not specific to Sunday League football - or ancient cricketing rivalry for that matter.

Arsenal's players should all be grounded.

To let slip a 2-0 half time lead is poor. To give it up at home is even worse. To take nothing from the game should be impossible. To do it against your biggest rivals, whilst protecting a 17 year unbeaten record - go to your room young man, we are both VERY disappointed in you.

I feel sure that this result would not have happened if Arsenal were facing a different opponent. From their part, they would have known that they had contained Spurs quite comfortably, and would have remembered the home win last season in which Tottenham crumbled after conceding. It is difficult to shake off the feeling that Arsenal felt the job was done and there was no danger any more - they regarded Spurs with an element of contempt and a lack of respect that was in some ways the cause for their downfall.

They should have known that this is Tottenham's biggest away trip of every season, and they were bound to come flying out of the blocks for the second half. Spurs these days are made of higher quality stuff than in years gone by, and should never be dismissed or written off when they possess players like Bale, Modric and the duck to water Van der Vaart.

Of course, I'm not overlooking the fact that the sloppy defending was the main reason that Arsenal lost this match and all that went with it - but I think they need to take their opponents more seriously. Defeats at home to West Brom and Newcastle suggest that the Gunners have the same disease as AFC Hamsey, and as long as they fail to enter every game with the discipline and respect required, they will never overtake Chelsea and United and claim a fourth Premier League title.

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If you're planning on staying up to watch the Brisbane test, eyes peeled on Saturday for a Southampton shirt in the crowd. Potential SubPlease Cricket Special next week with all the details of my Ashes baptism...

'That...was a goal'

For over 50 years now, France Football magazine has awarded the 'Ballon D'Or' or 'Golden Ball' (A in GCSE French) to the best player in Europe over the past year. They invented it to raise awareness and profile to coincide with the inaugural European Cup, and over the years it has grown in status to be arguably the single most credible and coveted award a player can achieve in European football. The list of winners is a who's who of the legendary figures of the European and World game since it was expanded to include players of any nationality who ply their trade in the continent.

FIFA, the grubby, slimy bunch of crooks that they are, have now joined forces with France Football and it is now the FIFA Ballon D'Or - to align with their FifPro award for World Player of the Year and create one overall title.

Incidentally, and please bear with me for this digression, but I've just finished reading the third and final Stieg Larsson 'Millenium' book. This focusses heavily on a covert gang of secret police within the secret police, who operate completely outside the law, without conscience or moral code and will do anything to protect themselves and the sweet deal they have going on. At numerous times whilst reading about them, I had to remind myself that he wasn't referring to Sepp Blatter and his cronies at FIFA. Anyway.

So, now that FIFA have spawned their way on to the prestigious and credible awards panel, they have set about putting their stamp down and reinventing aspects of it. One introduction is the FIFA Puskas trophy, which is awarded to the scorer of the best goal of 2010.

In all fairness, I think this is a great idea and the criteria behind the selections are solid. Clearly with it being FIFA there is bound to be some bias, and political motivation, behind the final ten shortlisted, but they at least talk the talk. The criteria for making the cut are:

aesthetics; the importance of the match; the absence of luck or an opposition mistake as a factor making the goal possible; fair play; and the date

All of this sounds fair and sensible, and again to their credit, the top ten does contain a varying range of goal types. The full list is available to view here:

Jinking dribbles feature heavily, with Robben, Messi, Neymar and in particular Samir Nasri showing their skills. These goals don't quite do it for me though, as in each instance I have to find fault with the defenders. Clearly stopping players of this calibre is not easy, but watch all three of these goals and tell me you don't think there is at least one flappy toe-in-the-cold-water style 'challenge' that should be classed as an opposition mistake.

Token FIFA let's be nice inclusion goes to household name Kumi Yokoyama of Japan U17's (obviously) with again a decent dribble and some nice footwork, but some appalling Korea DPR defending - takes me back to Cape Town seeing that.

The spankers are out in full force, with van Bronckhorst's semi final stunner and Tshabalala's tournament opener from the summer both featuring. Both of those score high in importance points, and I find Tshabalala's goal to be of particular aesthetic appeal - the power that goes into the shot almost seems fuelled by the optimism of an entire country, and the through ball was just perfect.

But, dear readers, cast your minds back to August and you will recall that FIFA needn't have used any of their criteria (particularly not fair play, what does that even mean in this context?!) as there is of course a rock solid formula to figure out the best goal.

It all boils down to the Could I Do It factor, and for me there are three on this list that stand out more than the rest.

Hamit Altintop catches a ball full on the volley at a height almost a foot higher than he would have liked it, direct from the corner. He is 20 yards out and hits it so sweetly and with such a perfect arc that the keeper is never saving it. Stunning strike and technically so difficult that the CIDI Factor is massive.

But that's nothing. Linus Hallenius, unknown to me until today but committed into the game show memory bank for evermore, takes volleying technique to new and outrageous heights with his effort. Chest control, a lob over the defender...so far so good. The finish, however, Jesus H Christ. From a Van Besten-esque angle, he unleashes a thunderbolt which catches the keeper by surprise - this is entirely fair as Hallenius should never have tried this, but he pulled it off in spectacular style. Incredible power and sheer audacity, a phenomenal goal.

Last word on technique however goes to the impudent, innovative and downright brilliant goal from Matt Burrows of Glentoran. Lobbing the keeper in the 90th minute from the edge of the box with a volleyed 360 midair backheel into the top corner? My CIDI generator just exploded.

Take a look at the ten, let me know what you think...or hijack the vote and give Yokoyama the award she truly deserves.

The Puskas shortlist

Squirrel Poo*

The results across the Premier League this weekend once again threw up all manner of surprises to give further weight to the suggestion that this season is just absolutely batsh!t mental. Guano.

My last blog reflected on how tightly packed the league table was, a set of circumstances seemingly the result of many teams being able to beat any rival on any given day. Numerous bizarre results ever since the opening day have contributed to what has been, for the neutral, a highly entertaining start to the season.

Clearly the eye-popper this weekend is the scoreline from Stamford Bridge. Not in a long time have Chelsea been so soundly beaten and comprehensively outplayed on their own patch - the football leading to Gyan's second goal was delightful and tore the admittedly makeshift back line to shreds. Sunderland were worthy winners and will hope to use this as something of a springboard, whilst the rest of the league will have taken great interest in the chink in the Chelsea armour.

The way this season is going however, there's every likelihood that Chelsea will demolish Birmingham to look like invincible champions elect once again, whilst results will go against the Mackems and Steve Bruce's men will drop down to 12th. All this craziness is presumably the source of frustration in boardrooms and manager's offices across the land, but for those of us who are free to sit back and watch, it's great.

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In other news, I've finally managed to land myself a job over here in Upside-Down Land, and the pesky work firewall does not allow access to Blogger! Curse them, the tricksy little hobbits. I will of course keep up the dedication to this fine site and hope that you do too - but unfortunately the BT gravy train glory days of getting paid to sit and write blogs all day are behind us.

Given that updates might therefore be slightly more sporadic, I'd like to invite you the beloved readership to get interactive. Let me know via the comments below or the Facebook page what you'd like to see dissected in true SubPlease style - any suggestions for bloggable topics from the world of football are welcome and encouraged. I've a few topics on the slow burner that I am going to discuss in due course, but I'd love to hear what you would want to see on here.

No it's not laziness, it's an astute awareness of engagement habits in the ever-changing socially networked world...

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* In case this meant no sense, it was a reference to the crazy results this season. As in:

'Nuttier than...'

The Morning After

Sometimes in life you don't do something and you immediately regret it.

Other times you don't do something and are left to think:

Yep, that was a smart move. I'm glad I didn't do that.

Rather than enter into the murky depths of my past to reveal those moments in graphic and quite possibly slanderous detail, for the purposes of this column I'm referring more to sporting occasions.

In particular given the England - USA time difference, every time that I tried to stay up for the entire Superbowl, only to fall asleep early in the third period; I'd wake up to find that the game was a stunner with an incredible end (Thanks, Eli Manning). The Superbowls that I watched all the way through by contrast were the thrashings or the painfully slow and boring field goal fests.

It was with some relief and satisfaction therefore this morning when I awoke to the news that the Manchester derby had been by all accounts a dour, uninspiring and downright boring match. My sympathies to those of who you sat through the game, maybe it wasn't as bad as the reports suggest - often a 0-0 can be just as gripping and watchable as a 3-3 - but I'm certainly glad I didn't get out of bed stupidly early to source somewhere to watch it.

The result itself would seem to be best for Chelsea of anyone. A good win against their own local rivals Fulham has extended their lead again to 4 points, and as per my previous blog I firmly believe they will be the ones lifting the trophy in May. As for the rest of the league, who can say?

After 12 games, very nearly a third of the season, the league is incredibly tight. Just six points seperate Newcastle in 5th to Wigan in the relegation zone. Ten teams - half the entire division - are kept apart by a margin of just one win, indeed six of those are seperated on goal difference alone. It's difficult to accurately compare (OK probably not that difficult but I can't be arsed) but it certainly seems hard to recall a Premier League as tightly bunched as this after so many games.

Liverpool are a great example of what this means - in the relegation zone and desperate, a run of six games unbeaten and they are now able to make plans for a season which looked beyond rescue. Essentially what the Reds have demonstrated is that with a league table so closely grouped, no team should read too much into their position as so much can alter so dramatically in one game. Of course it is important to consider where you lie in the table, but when one win can potentially propel you up 8 or 9 places, clearly the world is a little bit messed up.

For this reason, I'm not going to go into any kind of conclusion mode at this stage. All three promoted teams can be extremely satisfied with their starts but would do well to act like a Qantas A380 and stay grounded - Hull City were flying high 2 years ago and came crashing down to Earth, also like a Qantas A380. (Topical.)

The usual chasing pack of Aston Villa, Everton and Tottenham are not perhaps where they'd want to be, but ought not to get too despondent as they are only a good streak away from getting into the elite. The bottom three certainly have cause for concern, in particular West Ham with a terrible record of only one win so far...but they are not cut adrift yet.

Over the next 6 games it is likely that the league will begin to stretch itself out a bit and by the New Year it may not be as tight...but there is certainly going to be the opportunity for some of the lesser lights to punch above their weight this year. Who that might be, I'll keep to myself for now, but it should be interesting.

Let's just hope it's worth getting out of bed for...

Manchester, La-la-la

Arguably the biggest winners of this Premiership weekend were Manchester United, good old Jason Park with two goals to clinch a narrow win over Mick McCarthy's Wolves. This result in itself was not the major factor in it being their weekend - more the fact that Chelsea and Arsenal (and Spurs) all lost, giving all the more importance to the late winner from Patrice Evra's best bud.

Incidentally if the end of that sentence is a surprise to you, look it up on YouTube. Evra and Park are best mates, and (when he was there), the pair of them formed the unlikeliest of friendly trinities with Carlos Tevez. A hilarious video exists of Jason having a birthday party with his two pals, culminating in a split lip. Seriously, it is worth a watch.

They now face upstart local rivals Man City in a local derby which has grown massively in terms of attention and ferocity in the last year or two. The game at Old Trafford last season with Michael Owen's famous 96th minute winner was one of the best games that the Premier League has seen in the past 5 years; and a seesaw Carling Cup semi final added more fuel to the fire. United actually scored 90+ minute winners in 3 of their 4 meetings with City last season and have therefore given the Sky Blues an added incentive to make this the game of their season.

Roberto Mancini will not be entirely happy with the start his team have made and, despite whatever he may claim, will know that a win against United and a strong sequence of wins to go into January may be the minimum requirement for him to avoid joining me in the world of unemployment. With Carlos Tevez back from injury, David Silva showing that he is beginning to adjust to English football, and Mario Balotelli potentially available pending an appeal; Mancini has cause to believe in the abilities within his own side. Added to this, the injury situation at Old Trafford will remove many of the key figures from the United line-up, and this could be the time for City to get a much coveted slice of revenge. City fans will consider this the one to win above all others; Mancini will recognise that as well as a huge morale boost, three points on Wednesday would see them draw level with their cross-city rivals - and also gain him some much needed UAE brownie points.

It would seem that whilst United have bragging rights, status, and recent history on their side, City will be relishing the challenge and may well be thinking this fixture has cropped up at a great time. I predict a score draw which will suit the reds more than the blues; but there's bound to be fireworks.

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Another team who have to live life in competition with a same city rival, Melbourne Heart are really clicking into gear now in the A League. The Heart currently sit 6th, level on points with rivals Melbourne Victory but with a game in hand. The runaway leader in this league is Brisbane Roar, who claimed a hugely impressive 4-0 win in a battle of 1st vs 2nd this week which has led to many to concede that they can't be stopped for the title. They have a Brazilian striker 'Reinaldo' who is basically the equivalent of Asda own brand cereal.

Not allowed to call them Coco Pops, instead you get 'Coco Puff's' or something nearly-but-not-quite the same. They taste ok, but you know they are not the real thing - the quality isn't quite there, but they are a bit cheaper. So Reinaldo is just Asda own brand Ronaldo. By the way the Coco Pops monkey is different in Australia, but that's another story.

The highlight of this weeks A-League action however had nothing to do with the goalscoring exploits of wannabe Ronnie, instead it was provided by Melbourne Victory defender Roddy Vargas. His own goal gave Gold Coast United a 1-0 win, and what a bloody goal it was.

Imagine a ball whipped in form the byline at a healthy speed, about a foot off the ground. Then picture a defender, perhaps 12 yards away from his goal, just inside his near post.

Now try and conceive of a scenario in which that defender could head the ball into his own net. Not just head it in, absolutely nail it with the top/side of his skull...leaving the keeper and all the watching seagulls with no chance.

'Rowdy' Roddy Vargas, look away now

UnbelievaBale

Gareth Bale tore the European Champions to shreds for the second time in 2 weeks to send Tottenham and their fans Inter dreamland.

After the 4-3 defeat in which Bale scored a hat-trick, I wrote about the fact that for some years now, Southampton fans have known that he had frightening potential. The manner in which he dismantled Maicon - no mug - time and time again in this pulsating victory took Bale's status to a level which possibly not even those in the know had thought possible.

It is easy to get carried away whenever a player has a good game...but think about the context.

Two weeks ago, Rafa Benitez, the Inter players, and pretty much all of Europe (and beyond - hi) saw what Bale was capable of when given space to run at the defender. It does not take a football mastermind to identify the threat that he poses, and when a rematch is just around the corner, item 1 on the Pre-Match plan is: Stop Bale.

The fact that he was under such scrutiny and spotlight prior to the game due to his stunning hat-trick would excuse any 21 year old player from struggling to cope or have much impact on the proceedings. Bale made a mockery of such predictions and created panic, danger, and an end product almost every time he got the ball.

The key lies in his change of pace. Bale does not particularly rely on fleet of foot or jinking skill - what he does is devastatingly simple. In full flight he has incredible speed, but the secret is in the acceleration and the variety of pace. Witness the number of times he simply runs round a defender...it starts slow, and then explodes with acceleration and power to take him past.

Perhaps the main reason this allowed him to torment Inter again is that Bale makes it difficult to shut him down. He does not need acres of open grass in which to build his acceleration, as it is so explosive and sudden. If he can receive the ball with even one touch of space ahead of him, he is able to build the type of unstoppable momentum that he demonstrated this morning, (I woke up early to watch it) and his composure and vision ensures that he often delivers a chance. There are a number of players around with blistering pace, but how many can you name who can so consistently deliver as devastating an end product?

From a defensive point of view, sticking a man right on him leaves acres of space in the channel and is not a viable option given how wide he plays; plus he is skillful enough to handle tight situations. Also, given the way he simply bypasses some of the world's best defenders; volunteers to man-mark him are presumably few and far between at present. Furthermore, this would give Aaron Lennon free roam on the right wing, and whilst he is not at Bale's level currently, it would be a foolish manager who overlooks his threat altogether.

What this game showed is that Gareth Bale has the potential to become a truly world class player. He will need to continue the form that he has shown throughout 2010, but certainly there will be few who dismiss him or put him in the 'form is temporary' bracket. Sure, Danny Cadamarteri looked decent for a while - but he never hit these peaks. Few, if any, players from the British Isles have done since a young Wayne Rooney was making waves.

Wales fans will be hoping that Giggs 2.0 can continue his development and perhaps bring some glory back to their international game - Spurs fans ought to savour every moment of this fantastic victory and incredible player as, sadly for them, he might not be around The Lane for a great deal longer.