Purgatory

One week after the World Cup final, and the close season withdrawal symptoms are starting to really take hold now.

Football is a drug and like any addict, the longer you go without a fix, the more desperate you start to become. Something, anything, just give me some football man, just one, please, I need a hit...

Transfer sagas, pre-season friendlies, new kits being released, ESPN Classic - all of these serve to keep the level of football in the blood at just about the level required to avoid slipping into a coma; but by Christ don't you just wish the season would hurry up and start already?!

Like the desperate junkie who ends up drinking methylated spirits just to try and get a buzz from it, I've found myself turning to alternate options...this is not easy for me to confess, but...

I've even tried watching golf.

I know. It's disgusting and I'm ashamed, but I was going out of my mind. Where's Soccer Saturday? Please Jeff, come back, I need you. Admittedly this year's Open was a bit of a procession, but even in a tense golfing situation I still find myself thinking...if Happy Gilmore was here this would be so much better.

There really is no substitute for live, meaningful football, and I for one cannot wait for August 7th.

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On the way into work today I walked past a window cleaner, complete with ladder, squeegee, the works. Unmistakably a window cleaner. Ask a child to draw 'window cleaner' and they would have drawn this bloke.
Turns out I was wrong. The back of his overalls revealed to the world that in fact he was a 'Vision Enhancement Engineer'

With the ever-increasing business influence on the world of football, surely it is only a matter of time before these ridiculously overstated job roles are prevalent throughout.
Torres, Drogaba et al will be 'Objective Realisation Specialists', trying to slot the ball past a host of 'Loss Prevention Engineers'. The Makelele holding midfield role will become the Spherical Retention role whilst Rory Delap is known for his Manual Projectile Targeted Delivery attributes .

All of the action will be discussed on Match of the Day by an expert team of 'State-the-bleeding-obvious Consultants' You know it's coming, it's inevitable.
Quite how the corporate image brigade will find a description for Emile Heskey remains to be seen. 'Space Occupier'? 'Expert Provider of Opposition Goal Kick Requirements'? 'Ball Rebound Specialist'? 'Useless Donkey'? We shall see.