Manchester 13 - 3 North London

It seems that over-hype is the only way to publicize anything these days. The dramatic music and exploding text on the X Factor - which, lest we forget, is no more than a karaoke competition. The bright yellow BREAKING NEWS ticker that ejaculates onto the screen of the rolling news channels, desperate to make anything seem bigger than it is. Even the fear-mongering, apocalyptic predictions when anything remotely negative happens - sure, the London riots were terrible but do you think any resident of Tripoli would see them in the same light as the media tried to portray them? Perspective can too often be a rare creature in modern society, and the football media (Sky, I'm basically looking at you here) are no different.

Obviously being in Australia I don't get the same immersive coverage as is the norm in England, but I feel utterly confident in my assumption that the exciting looking fixtures for this Sunday were billed as some SuperUltraMegatronOrgasmo Sunday Extravaganza. Needless hyperbole, right?

Now, here's where my entire opening point of view crumbles faster than an Arsenal offside trap...

Waking up this morning to hazily check the results, I had to do the classic cartoon 'rub eyes and look again to make sure you're seeing straight'. If I'd have been drinking a glass of milk (not that that would ever happen, devil juice that it is) I would have spat it out in true slapstick fashion, such was the extent of my disbelief at the scorelines from the two stand out fixtures of the day.

Reading reports and watching the highlights, it becomes starkly apparent that these were no unwarranted scorelines either.

We'll start with City, who in their 5-1 destruction of Tottenham (no less) showed perhaps the most frightening and powerful display of their capabilities since the Emirati revolution began. Edin Dzeko looks to have settled into his Bundesliga groove and has hit the ground running, Samir Nasri took to his role with consumate ease, Sergio Aguero gave another stunning glimpse of what he can do, and David Silva put in another masterful display to demonstrate that he is truly in the elite class of the Premier League. More significant and ominous than any individual performance however was the overall style from City. Fluid, dynamic, pacy and incisive, with interplay and movement that is a light year away from the turgid and negative stuff they have displayed too often in the past. Clearly they have the players to do this, as well as a defensive unit to rely on at the back; and it is this change in approach which I think could have them making a very real assault on the title this season.

If Mancini continues to send his team out to attack in this manner, when you consider the Plan B options they have on the bench, then he might just be on the verge of something special. Perhaps this was the plan all along - last year was about finishing top four which was achievable by not losing too many games and playing with caution. That won't get you to first though, so this new, terrifying City could be all part of the plan. What is abundantly clear is that Spurs are not at that level. A midfield of unsettled Modric and Kranjcar immediately looked too attack-minded and liable to leave the defence exposed, a crazy selection against arguably the strongest attacking unit in the league. The result, which could have been even more emphatic, was fully deserved, and a real signal.

Speaking of emphatic - and speaking of signals for that matter, we move to Old Trafford. The Theatre of Dreams is home to the behemoth lurking on the red side of Manchester, still, despite the improvements, casting a huge shadow over the rest of the city and the footballing nation in general.

In typical fashion (Oh, you're in the FA Cup final? Well we'll win the League a couple of hours before then, losers) Manchester United put in a display that, while perhaps owing more to the ineptitude/impotency of their opponents than their own brilliance, was guaranteed to steal the headlines from their noisy neighbour yet again.

8-2 is just an incredible scoreline. When the videprinter has to write the number just so people are utterly clear...8 (Eight) (Yeah, that's right, EIGHT) then you know you have taken a hammering. In twenty seasons of the Premier League, only 6 times has a team rattled in 8 or more goals - teams of the illustrious ilk of Barnsley, Oldham, Swindon Town, Bradford and even the useless editions of Sunderland and Derby never conceded 8 in one go.

There are mitigating circumstances...ish. It's a bad injury list that Arsenal are facing at the moment. In other news, the Earth revolves around the Sun, morons audition for X Factor and bears do indeed use the woods to go for a mud. Also, they have a number of players suspended...this one is harder to sympathise with since it is almost entirely self-inflicted - harsh treatment or not, you only have yourselves to blame. Finally, they have recently lost the creative heart of their midfield with the departures of Fabregas and Nasri - again though, neither of these transfers was exactly out of the blue.

For me, Wenger failed in two senses. Firstly, he has failed in that he has allowed Arsenal to be so vulnerable to the above scenario. Every team gets injuries, suspensions, and players departing - it is the job of the manager to mitigate against these by building a resilient squad and removing reliance on key players. Arsenal's squad is not good enough, for which he is accountable.

Secondly, once you've been dealt the cards, you consider how to play them. I'm no poker player so I won't extend the metaphor for fear of messing it up - but when Wenger knew which team he was going to have to put out, he should have adapted his approach accordingly. Namely, spend some time drilling the roles and responsibilities into each player, so they know where to be and what to do - too many of United's attacks demonstrated almost tragically the disarray in which Arsenal's back line were operating. Also, in these kind of games, more often than not, fortune doesn't favour the brave so bloody well park the bus. Clearly this is anathema to Wenger's entire ethos of football, but there comes a time when realism has to win out over ideology.

It would be remiss not to give the final word to United, who were simply excellent. You have to beat whatever team you are up against, and United took to their depleted opponents with the ruthless glee befitting a champion. The quality of the finishing was unreal - both of Rooney's free kick's, Ashley Young's first in particular and also Nani's goal, they could all make it into the August Goal of the Month. It could easily be a Manchester only edition this month...which may just be a sign of things to come, for the rest of this season and beyond.

Forza Italia

They reckon the Championship play-off is the single most lucrative game in football - the reward for winning it is access to the goldmine of the Premier League. Not far behind that however are the matches played this week - the final qualifying round for the Champions League. Access to the group stage brings with it a guaranteed £25m, but I don't think anyone was under any illusions as to how much this game was worth to a certain North London team who travelled to Italy.

Arsenal have had a torrid start to the season. Selling last season's two most creative midfielders, one of whom was the talsimanic leader of the club and best player for the last few seasons, was not the ideal scenario that Arsene Wenger would have wanted. Dropping points and losing your new striker for three games in the opening match gave few encouraging signs. Compounded with a home defeat, another red card, and the rainclouds that formed over the Emirates last Saturday had a metaphoric, ominous feel to them. Facing a week which involved a trip to Udinese with a slender 1-0 lead, followed by a trip to the fortress of Old Trafford - the more hyperbolic around were proclaiming that Arsenal's season and future could be torn to shreds in the matter of a few days.

An early goal for Udinese and the doom-mongers were ratcheting up the schadenfreude, readying the obituaries and sharpening the knives for Wenger, a man apparently more embattled and under siege than the old elusive Colonel himself. I mean Gadaffi by the way, not the chicken guy. No-one has it in for the chicken guy. Van Persie's equaliser, benefitting from some impressive and encouragingly direct play from Gervinho got them back in control, but it was the next moment that was the real clincher.

Johnny Consonant AKA Wojcech Sczcezczeczeczcezczeczceny produced what is probably the finest penalty save I have ever seen. A fiercely struck and well directed bullet heading for the back of the net was diverted away by the flying Arsenal keeper - admittedly it was at a relatively saveable height, but to get it away when struck so powerfully was superb goalkeeping. 'Superb Goalkeeping' We are talking about Arsenal here, right? The moment of magic from the young Polish goalie kept the momentum firmly with the Gunners, as well as providing genuine class and confidence between the Arsenal sticks for perhaps the first time since Mad Jens stopping Riquelme in the 2006 semi final.

Theo Walcott sealed the victory in the game and the tie with a well taken goal that showed again why he should be played through the channels and beyond the defence. The turn him into a technical winger experiment of the last 5 years, throw it out. Stick him up top, see what happens.

I digress slightly - the bottom line is that Arsenal progressed. They now await their fate in the draw but have every chance of putting these August woes behind them and getting beyond the group stages yet again. Furthermore, Wenger can spend the final few transfer window days shopping with the lure of Champions League football, not to mention the money that has secured. The question is, will he? The stubbornness that Wenger has shown for years now towards spending big money on established players shows no sign of abating, but for me the time has come where a failure to invest would be criminal and inexcusable.

Arsenal's prospects look brighter already, (the imminent Old Trafford destruction notwithstanding) but the fact is a young, inexperienced and injury prone squad need reinforcements capable of immediate entry into the first team. A refusal to do so, even for the noble reason of faith in your current players, would put Wenger in a very difficult position if the team falls short on the pitch. Surely the owners will start to demand why the money they make available is not being spent, when the results are being delivered are below par. Of course Wenger has immense credit in his account due to his glorious past, continued success on a (self-imposed) budget and frankly incredible business record of turning young players into profit; but if he doesn't invest some money now, that credit will be crunched all too quickly.

The draw coming tomorrow morning will be eagerly anticipated across Europe, including, much to the relief of many, the red half of North London.

Um...have we started?

In London the saying goes that you spend ages waiting for a bus, only for three to come along at once. It may well be a phrase used much further afield than the capital - I've not heard it over here in Australia yet but probably that's because their bus network seems to be a damn sight more efficient than it was back home. Either way, the phrase should resonate with football fans at this time of year - having spent what feels like a lifetime waiting for football to return, before you know it we're off and running with more action than a day out with Steven Seagal and Jason Statham.

Unfortunately, the drawback so far has been the action, or lack thereof...Messrs Seagal and Statham would surely not be impressed with the way things have kicked off in the English Premier League. Trying to pick out a highlight from the opening weekend was like trying to pick your favourite part of a colonoscopy.

That is perhaps stretching things a bit too far (much like a colonoscopy) but it has not been the most gripping of starts in my opinion. A host of draws with fewer goals than ever on the opening day, it took until Monday for City and most notably Sergio Aguero to provide some razzle dazzle. Larsson and Cahill might be able to argue their case but for me nothing really got the pulse racing.

This has unfortunately carried over into the second week, with the stand-out fixture so far coming yesterday at the Emirates. Arsenal, heavily depleted due to injury and a somewhat baffling phobia of shopping, were beaten 2-0 by a Liverpool side who were good value for it, despite the fortuitous and potentially illegal nature of their goals (both had strong hints of offside). I had been eagerly anticipating this match and watched it in perfect surroundings: a busy, loud pub full of passionate fans, big screens aplenty and the commentary turned up nice and loud (none of this music malarkey when the game's on, thanks) so all the ingredients were there. Sadly, being honest, I did not think it was a classic game at all. Lacking in clear chances, and an increasingly infuriating ineptitude/bluntness from the home side, I imagine it would have been an incredibly frustrating and miserable experience for fans of the Gunners. Certainly the Donny Tourette lookalike behind us was not enjoying himself, and he doesn't much like Samir Nasri don't you know. Pottymouth.

Whether it spells quite the apocalyptic disaster for Arsenal that many are predicting (I like Wenger's quote comparing a defeat to an earthquake, for the record) will remain to be seen. They are almost certainly going to lose to United next week, you'd be a brave person to bet against a home win there. Of far greater importance is the midweek tie at Udinese to reach the Champions League group stage. I think they'll do enough to get through, and can then pick up the pieces of a poor start to salvage plenty from the long months ahead.

Arsenal aside, the excitement and quality surely has to improve now. There are signs - QPR shocking Everton by taking all three points from Goodison was at least a noteworthy result, whilst Monday's clash between United and Spurs should be tasty. It's obviously very early days and I am not for a minute suggesting that the season won't bring the usual fun and games (relax, I'm not a Neejurk) but it just hasn't been quite the stellar opening that I have been hoping for since May. Patience, friends, patience

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In your search for happier and far more exciting footballing times, look no further than the Championship. Southampton: 4 games, 4 wins, 10 goals scored, on a 11 match winning streak in all competitions and sitting pretty on the top of the pile! It can't and won't go on for ever but hell if I care, it's a great start and we couldn't have asked for more. Come On You Reds!!!

U N I, T E D, United are the team for me

Parts 1 and 2 of the Sub Please Premier League 2012/13 preview bonanza have been and gone, but we all know they are just the appetisers, the side dishes...the main meal always has been what happens at the top end of the table. The absolute pinnacle of English football, playing each year for the right to be called Champions of England, wear gold patches on your sleeves, lift up a shiny trophy with a golden bloody crown on it, and ultimately to get knocked out of Europe by Barcelona.

For some years there has been an established group of clubs that have formed the elite - they used to be called 'The Big Four' namely Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool - arguably in that order more or less. It is not as cut and dried as that any more however, in my view you have a fairly well set top six - the aforementioned foursome plus Droopy Dog's Tottenham Hotspur, and richer than Richie Manchester City.

To look at the new diners at the top table as a pair would be somewhat misleading. Sure, Spurs have made it into the VIP section, but they are very much on the other side of the velvet rope to City. Having broken into the Champions League for the first time and, as it stands, ignored Carlos Tevez's wish to leave, plus the significant addition of Sergio Aguero (can't figure out how to do umlauts, sorry Kun) City have reason enough to think that they ca go one or two beter than last seasons 3rd place finish. The FA Cup win could well be a significant step in a project that you can't help feel is going to end in Manchester City winning the Premier League. It may not be this season, but there is a very real chance that it could be. It depends on two factors for me: the continuing development of something approaching a team spirit and unity amongst the expensively established men in Sky Blue; and a greater willingness on the part of Mancini to go for 3 points in every game. A pragmatism and defensive-minded approach will keep them at the right end of the table, but Ferguson's United go for the kill in every game, and look where it gets them.

Tottenham on the other hand would probably concede that they have no realistic chance of actually winning the league. A fantastic first Champions League campaign took it's toll on their league performances, but without European 'distractions' this season they can launch a more concerted attack on the Prem. Having (again, at time of writing) kept hold of the influential Luka Modric, as well as the potent attacking threats posed by Bale and Van Der Vaart, they will have another strong season, but I can't see them repeating the achievement of 2010's 4th place.

A big hurdle in the way of Tottenham comes in the form of a resurgent Liverpool. They have spent a hell of a lot of money this Summer, apparently in an attempt to shatter Spurs' record for number of superfluous Central Midfielders, set back in the days of Sean Davis, Danny Murphy, Pedro Mendes, Jermaine Jenas, Edgar Davids, and so on. Some of the purchases that Kenny Dalglish have made have been eyebrow raisers in terms of the price shelled out, but each is supported by a solid logic. Andy Carroll needs service, bring in two of the players proven to provide the most chances over the past few years (Downing and Henderson) as well as a player who caused all manner of problems with his delivery from the corner flag last season (Charlie Adam). Again, the Reds will need to prove they can forge a team out of this over-populated squad that can play together and produce the chances to bring the best out of their big Number 9. The man behind him, Luis Suarez, may well be the star performer however and will, provided he can cope with the extra attention he is going to receive, have a big season I predict.

Far from buying players (our latest wonder-kid, and the man voted worst hair in Cote D'Ivoire 4 years running, aside), Arsenal have instead adopted the maverick 'lose our best central midfielders' approach. Ballsy. In fact I think the Gunners - injuries permitting, and remember this is Arsenal we're talking about - have a strong squad even with the loss of such key performers as Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri. A lot will rest on the ability of Song, Ramsey, Wilshere and Walcott to stay fit and step up a level, whilst if Van Persie can get a full season he is my tip to finish top scorer. Of course we can assume though that the players mentioned above will clock up something in the region of half the season each out injured.

This leaves us with the top two, the head honchos who have ruled the roost for the last 6 years - and in United's case, much, much longer. Chelsea have ousted Carlo Ancelotti, a move I'm not entirely sure was the right one despite the mid-season slump, and gone instead for a very young manager in Andre Villas-Boas, from Porto, very much a Jose Mourinho Mk II. He has a lot of pressure on his shoulders and despite the overtures about going for longevity and stability, you have to feel that unless he makes a good start, Roman's itchy trigger finger might be claiming another victim. Fernando Torres arguably has more than just his own reputation and career at stake going into this crucial year.

Manchester United have kept up with the noisy neighbours, spending big themselves this summer too. I think the purchase of Ashley Young will be an excellent one, and he could well be a revelation playing alongside better players, in a team with more possession and control of games, and with a probable role in behind the strikers, drifting in from the right hand side. United could have the player of the year on their hands there, which would be a great boost for England going into Pukraine next summer.

The biggest loss for United however has been the retirement of the excellent since I was 10 Edwin Van Der Sar in goal. After Schmeichel retired it was pretty much only when Ferguson turned to Eddie that the problem went away. This time he has arguably gambled again, bringing in the 20 year old De Gea who has had a strong season and a half in La Liga, but has to be considered unproven at present. An exciting prospect for the future, sure, but I would argue that Ferguson might have been better served turning again to another proven and risk-free pair of hands. Provided De Gea starts well he should be fine, but any goalkeeping mistake is usually so costly that it has a far more damaging effect than any other position on the pitch where you can afford to be more patient with a noob. That aside however, for me, United are the ones to beat. Here's the final piece of the puzzle then, to make up my predicted table for this season.

I'll be in the pub tonight watching the big kick off, and I can't wait. Must stay sober enough to actually comprehend the pretty colours....

1: United - Can't see who can prevent Number 20, Young will become a superstar

2: City - Improvement on last term, and a dent in the Champions League knock-out's

3: Chelsea - Youthful AVB to last the season but ageing Chelsea not to last the pace

4: Liverpool - King Kenny getting the Reds back on the right track. Moneyball working?

5: Arsenal - Way off the pace, Arsene facing some tricky questions

6: Spurs - The usual fun and games but not quite with the elite

Top Scorer: RVP (if fit), Tevez (if here), Suarez (if neither of those two)

The Inbetweeners

Yesterday we looked at the basement boys, those clubs who I believe will be making up the dregs of the league. Now it’s the turn of the also ran’s, the middle-eight of the Premier League, who if you want to can be split into two bars of four, each singing to a slightly different tune.

7-10 are the European hopefuls, with the capability to damage the big guns and maybe threaten periodically to upset the established order. Each of them will at some stage have some impressive wins against the elite, and probably have a spell towards the top four, but never consistently enough. 11-14 are those who will probably never be in real threat of relegation, but also will fail to do much to worry those above them. The ones for whom their very existence would be described by Joey Tribbiani as 'moo'.

Everton are something of a miracle in the modern footballing world, operating for so long with such success on a incredibly limited budget. They have at time of writing a strong squad, albeit slightly lacking in a reliable goalscorer; but with bigger or more to the point richer clubs eyeing up some of their stars, it could all change. If they had the money to buy, say, Darren Bent, they would be a serious worry for the big guns. The team who did buy Bent, rescuing their season from something of a horror show last time round, is Aston Villa. They have lost Ashley Young and Stewart Downing, which should be a significant worry for the Holte End and their star striker. Bent has always been more of a Van Nistelrooy than an Henry - given decent service he can score hatfuls, but he is unlikely to create goals from nothing and produce out of thin air. GoldMember surely has a big job on his hands convincing the fans - I know I never liked having Harry Redknapp as our boss due to his Portsmouth connections, so can understand the admittedly stupid view of many Villa fans. Stupid or not, he will very quickly incur their wrath if all is not rosy.

By contrast, two clubs with managers likely to prove immensely popular for both their own fans and the general footballing world are Fulham and West Brom. In Martin 'my head has it's own gravitational pull' Jol and 'Woy' Hodgson, you have two proven successful managers both at clubs with limited means but a considerable depth of talent at their disposal. Both men tend to specialise at bringing the best out of their players through an apparently friendly, arm-around-the-shoulder approach and I expect these clubs to have good seasons. Shane Long could be a greta purchase for the Baggies, whilst a fully fit Bobby Zamora will be relishing the new season with a European Championship looming at the end.

Southampton wannabe's Stoke and Sunderland (red stripes are clearly where it's at) have both seen reasonable overhaul of their playing squad - Steve Bruce must wish he could go looting at United, the amount of money he's sent their way in the last few years. These teams will rattle a few cages and get some good results, but I expect them both to suffer poorer seasons than they have in the last couple.

The final two clubs to make up the meh brigade are starkly contrasting in their general demeanour. Quiet, ticking along, not bothering anyone Bolton Wanderers...and CRASH! BANG! AWOOOOGA Circus Club Newcastle United, determined to gain attention with their latest idiot move wherever possible. The Barton scandal rolls on, with it looking increasingly likely that he will stay (incidentally, being slightly more articulate than your average footballer does not transform the fact that your shameful past suggests you are a complete scrotum) which would surely be an important retention for the Toon Army. Shorn of Nolan and Carroll, to lose Barton as well would severely impact the flow of goals for the barcode men. Bolton meanwhile could continue their hangover from their Wembley trauma in April, some key injuries may well take their toll.

So, to make up part two of your collectible set, see below for my final table predictions from 7 - 14:

7: Everton – the best of the rest again, on a tiny budget, fair play to Gollum

8: West Brom – Woy to work wonders, Long and Odemwingie to fire them up the table

9: Fulham – Not many Thrillers but all in all not a Bad first season for Martin Jol

10: Villa – Early season woe, McLeish beheaded, Bent’s goals to save the season again

11: Sunderland – United Cast-Offs FC to tread water throughout

12: Stoke City – Signing more big defenders suggests more of the same from the ug-mugs.

13: Newcastle – Proud owners of the world’s most over-used ACME Self Destruct Button

14: Bolton – Injuries to take their toll on a small squad, a poor season by their standards

Down down down and out

Welcome friends to part one of the Sub Please 2011/12 Premier League preview.

I'm splitting this into three parts, working our way up the table. In this installment, we'll be looking at the sad losers who I predict will be making up the bottom six come May next year...

First up, the newbies. There is something nostalgic about seeing QPR and Norwich back in the big time together, the first season that I was able to properly follow league football was the inaugural Premier League season, 1992/93. This saw Norwich City finish 3rd, and the highest placed London club that year, Queens Park Rangers, in 5th no less. This time around, almost 20 years on, I fear that neither team will enjoy such dizzy heights.

QPR are, in theory, one of the richest clubs in the world. For reasons unknown, there seems to be something of a reluctance to spend that money, dodgy deals aside, meaning they have not embarked on the widespread squad overhaul as predicted by many when they romped away with the Championship last season. In Adel Taarabt they have the wild card who may prove to Tottenham that he can cut it at the highest level, but could equally flop hard, embodying the unfulfilled potential that seems to be plaguing the club at the moment.

Norwich are a club of more modest means, but by virtue of an impressive fan base and well run board (sherry-addled clueless misguided bints aside) have been able to invest the money that promotion brings through a series of astute looking purchases. The money they have spent is not inconsiderable but whether it is of the quality required, time will tell.

Swansea are the third team to make the step up, and may well be another Blackpool - attractive and enterprising to watch, liked by many neutrals, not afraid to play decent football, recipient of bags of goodwill; but ultimately not able to compete at this level.

Blackburn Rovers have spent most of their energy this summer making awesome/horrendous adverts for chicken. Arguably they should have spent more time and money on improving a fairly uninspiring squad, although the retention of Samba (at present) at least keeps their fairly strong defence intact. However, money talks I guess, so when big boss man says act like a numpty, best you do as you're told. Not the Big Boss Man by the way, just to be clear. I wonder what he's up to now? (Spoiler alert/warning: that link does not bring happy tidings)

We digress...back to Lancashire and another provincial side struggling to compete in amongst the behemoths either side of them is Wigan. I fear the loss of N'Zogbia places too much of a burden on Hugo Rodallega. A good player, doubtless, but shorn of the creative support from Charlie Insomnia and the previously on-loan Tom Cleverley, I do not think he will be able to carry the cause alone. Once he is snuffed out, I fail to see where the threat will come from for the Latics, and there is a chance that this could be when their time runs out. I have been thinking that every year since they got promoted mind you, so what the hell do I know.

Finally we have Wolverhampton Wanderers or 'Oh bloody hell yeah I forgot they were in the Premiership' as they are also known. They have a goal threat, they have a physicality bordering on the criminal, and they have a reasonably impressive spirit. What they don't have is many particularly good football players...

So, those are the unlucky/not good enough clubs whom I predict will experience more riots than cleanups over the coming months. To go all out, see below for my predicted final standings:

15th: Wolves - Mick distracts them from leg-breaking long enough to score the odd goal

16th: QPR - Relegation Machine Colin Wanker breaks his own hoodoo. Taarabt shows up.

17th: Wigan - Despite mid season attendance of 17 (including subs benches) they do enough

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18th: Norwich - Another last day capitulation a la 2005 seals the fate of Original Man U

19th: Blackburn - Indian Proverb: too much chicken make blue and white men fat and useless

20th: Swansea - Enjoy the ride Boyos, it's going to be a short one.

Tomorrow: the also rans...

Those bloody Kaiser Chiefs were right all along

This blog was originally going to be part one of my Premier League preview. Instead however, with the events that have taken place in my home town, I found it extremely hard to write about football, all I have wanted to do all day is to vent my feelings about the London Riots.

This is of course a football blog, you come here (I hope) for what always tries to be a fairly light-hearted and amusing update on something or other to do with the world of football. You don't come here to hear my political views, nor am I in any way informed enough or, frankly, reasonable enough to put my view across in a way that is likely to do anything other than cause offence, come across all sanctimonious, or trip me up with my own lack of logic or reason.

But then, what's this, they cancelled the England game?! Hold on a gary second - does that make it football related?! Woop de do, leeeet's rant...

Only joking kids, I'll spare you my theory. Instead I wanted to muse on two things:

Numero the first: why the bloody hell was there an international friendly pencilled in for 3 days before the start of the season anyway?! I know they have always held one around this time of year - usually against Holland to be fair - but does anyone, anyone ever really get any benefit from it? It might be a chance to blood some new players in an unimportant game, but they will most likely be shunted in a few weeks for the proper matches at the start of September. It might be a chance for fans to get to see their heroes, except now England only ever play at Wembley so it's no help to the majority of the country - plus many of them are days away from finding the money to fund their real addiction, and stumping up for an England game is too much to ask. It might also be a chance for players to get an early run out, but will any of them want to go full pelt and risk injury so close to the start of the day job?

I move that this fixture should be scrapped from the international calendar, anyone who supports my cause should go and smash a shop window and steal something. Apparently it's how we get our feelings across these days.

My second blugget - that's a blog nugget by the way, tasty aren't they - is the apparently rather hefty fee paid by Arsenal to secure the talents of Southampton winger Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. As a Saints fan I'm probably in a better position than many of you reading this to know what Arsenal are getting for their money, and my feelings are a little mixed.

On the face of it, I've few doubts about Chamberlain's ability to do well at the highest level. He has an impressive physical presence for someone so young and small - he is stocky and strong and this will help him compete in the same way (though not to this extent) that Wayne Rooney did when he came through at 16. Defenders will want to smash him but when they realise he is solid they might have to come up with a better idea. As well as this, he shows an exciting tendency to attack in a very direct manner - running straight at players and skinning them was a frequent sight for the Saints last year; plus he is able to finish well, some of his 10 goals last season were quite spectacular. In the impressive list of young talent that my club has developed in recent times, I would place him behind Gareth Bale, who was so incredibly influential to the team at just 17; but probably ahead of Theo Walcott.

And there we come to the key. Theo Walcott.

I am of the opinion that if Walcott had moved to somewhere other than Arsenal when he left us at 17 in 2006, he would be one of the stand-out players in Europe by now. Manchester United in particular, but also he would have been a good fit for Aston Villa back then also. The reason for this is that Theo played with such devastating pace and lethal intent - all he ever wanted to do was score when he got the ball. In the Championship, he murdered defences for half a season near enough, and Arsenal should have simply seen his strengths and exploited them. Alex Ferguson would have thought, right - get him on the last defender and let Scholes and Giggs send him through, goal time. Instead, Wenger - and this is to his credit in some ways - saw the fact that Theo did not have the greatest touch, and also his distribution could be improved. His direct style was at odds with Arsenal's wannabe tiki-taka possession and so Theo was apparently instructed to change his approach.

The player I watched for the first year or two at Arsenal seemed constantly to be curbing his instinct and desperately trying to do what he has been asked to do, even though to be quite honest he is not the best at it.

My fear for Chamberlain, and perhaps for Arsenal if they repeat what I believe to be their mistake with our last superstar, is that Wenger will try and coach him to be a player in the mould of Fabregas, Nasri, Wilshere, Ramsey etc. He does not need to do this - let him off the reins and tell him to do his stuff. If this happens, then he could well be a big player in a year or two. Just don't ruin another one, we can't keep sending them to you!

So, in the next few days I'll be posting my Premier League previews, starting tomorrow with a look at the teams who I believe will be slogging it out at the bottom of the table. Don't miss it, it'll be a riot...

Final word: the pictures from London and my home of Croydon have made me disgusted, angry, sad, and above all ashamed. England is in one hell of a mess right now and the view from so far away does not look pretty. Hope you all stay safe and unaffected by the appalling and mindless actions of the idiot minority.

It's back! Thank all that you hold holy, it's back!

The old saying goes, there are only two things certain in life: death and taxes. Football fans might feel that there are a few more certainties - United finding a late winner, Joey Barton being involved in trouble of some sort, Referees generally being hated by everyone.

One aspect of football however that, in my experience, is about as far from certain as you can get, is predictions. I’m not a gambling man – nights out at the casino operate on the basis of: one pocket for the gambling money, one pocket for the winnings, and never the twain shall meet. That being said, I will usually stick a nominal amount on the goalscorers in a big game to add a little extra; but generally in my experience, you rarely get it right so you’re better off spending your money in wiser ways - horribly overpriced replica shirts or garish novelty hats for example.

The epitome of the unpredictability of football is about to resume this weekend: The Championship. Something of a misleading name; for those around the world not so familiar, The Championship is English football’s second tier. One step away from the promised land of the Premier League, yet not the desolate outpost of forgotten souls that you might imagine. Across the world very few countries can boast a second, third and even fourth tier of professional football that is as well supported and widely followed as England’s Football League. A look down the list of clubs that constitute the 2011/12 Championship highlights this.

Sleeping giants such as Leeds United and Nottingham Forest who will be familiar names to fans across Europe for their European Cup exploits in the not too distant past. Big guns from the Premier League, West Ham and Birmingham – the latter of which remain the Carling Cup holders and barring financial stickiness, will play in the Europa League this season. Beyond them are a whole host of clubs that were staples of the early decade of the Premiership, including Coventry City, Middlesbrough, big-spending Leicester and of course my own Southampton.

The unpredictability of this league is perhaps a key factor in making it the 4^th highest attended league in Europe, and boils down to the simple fact that any team can beat any other on any given day. I suppose the fact that promotion and relegation act as a yearly filter helps keep this competition there – a club cannot dominate the Championship for years a la Man United, as their reward for being too good is to test themselves against the actual Man United. Moreover the occasional out of their depth – or financially crippled and points deducted - whipping boys will be sent packing to the even more confusingly named League One. Which is League Three, but anyway, let’s just go with it.

Considering the prospects for Southampton this year just highlights why betting on the Championship really would be a mug’s game. Norwich, Leeds, Leicester and many before them have shown that the momentum of a promotion season can carry you through to the higher reaches of the Championship, and even up into the big show. Likewise however, the Championship harbours a number of clubs who have been round the block more than a few times in that league and know what it takes to threaten the play-offs on a perennial basis. Often the manager can play a key part – there are a host of bosses who have plied their trade at a number of clubs at this level, masterminding promotion challenges with a blueprint at whichever club they find themselves.

The Premier League has, at it’s sharp end, such elite quality that there is no blueprint for success. Playing good passing football and attacking your opponent might fail – ask Blackpool. Playing negative, contained, ugly football might fail – ask Birmingham. Finally, the second one of your players looks a little bit good, bigger fish can offer him more money to sit on their bench, an enticement that players are drawn to on an infuriatingly frequent basis.

In the Championship however, with a greater parity between clubs (there are still the haves and the have nots, but not on the same scale) there is no real reason why teams cannot emulate each other in the quest for success. Southampton could quite feasibly finish anywhere from 3^rd (automatic promotion would likely be too much to ask, especially if Scott Parker remains at West Ham) to 15^th (with the clubs resources relegation should not be a threat, hopefully!). They are not alone either, every club in the league bar a few financial horror shows and a few brooding giants eyeing up the trips to Old Trafford and Anfield before too long; every club will have the potential to finish almost anywhere.

If you are not familiar with this league then I fully suggest giving it a go. The games are played in often full stadiums, there will be more than a few names that you’ll recognise, and the blood and thunder that many people love about the Premier League is there in spades. It all kicks off this weekend, Southampton have a testing first fixture against the might of Leeds United, at what is sure to be a packed out St Marys. Just take my advice, keep your money in your pocket…

Oh, go on then...Saints to score first in a 2-2 draw, Jose Fonte final goalscorer. Leeds, Leicester and West Ham to go up :)

"I can only think it must be love"

Johnny Cash has a song, which I assume to be a true story, called "On the night Hank Williams came to town". It's about...yep, you guessed it, the war in Iraq. No, I kid - it is a tale of the time when Hank Williams turned up to play a concert at a young Johnny's home town high school gymnasium.

In the song, the gig gets a rave review, and there is one line that sticks out in particular:

"The effect on all our lives was quite profound...

on the night Hank Williams came to town"

A few nights ago I went to a gig myself, Elbow, at the tiny Enmore Theatre in Newtown, a suburb just outside Sydney. Now, I'm not a music journalist, and this is not a music blog, but immediately after the utterly outstanding show, that Cash lyric came into my head. Every so often when I've been to gigs, I feel that 'quite profound' effect and you know it is something that is going to stay with you for long after the event.

To bring this round to it's Sub Please related point, I got to thinking about what else can do that to me. Well, it's simple. It's football.

The first glimpse of the pitch when walking into a stadium for the first time; the sea of yellow at the 2003 FA Cup final, the noise at Camp Nou when Barca scored, the adrenal euphoria that lasted for hours after Matt Le Tissier scored the last goal at the Dell...all of these are moments, memories, events of which the effect on my life was quite profound indeed.

What I got to thinking was, what else can do this in life? I'm not going to get sentimental or soppy, but we all know that love, family, relationships, kids etc are of course the main thing that it's all about; so that's excluded from this list - I mean what other distractions/hobbies/interests besides live music and live football can impact on a person in such a deep and definitive way?

Other people will of course be able to make a case for other sports which I will gladly listen to and probably agree with. Many would say that film has the capacity to do this; others might suggest religion, spirituality or other such faith constructs. I'm not about to dismiss anything; this is coming from a purely personal point of view on the back of a storming gig that goes comfortably into the All Time Top 5 alongside Oasis, Foo Fighters, Rolf Harris and the rest.

Have a think. If you want to share it, go wild - comments section below or the Sub Please Facebook page - but I'm not angling for comments, I just thought I'd share a nice little thought that has been swimming around in my head for a day or two.

Have a think, ignore your work for a bit, and just start remembering all the good times, whatever they may be...

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Believe it or not people, we've nearly made it. The football season is just around the corner, a Championship preview is coming later this week and then we'll be turning all attention to the resumption of the main event. Welcome back old friend