The Inbetweeners

Yesterday we looked at the basement boys, those clubs who I believe will be making up the dregs of the league. Now it’s the turn of the also ran’s, the middle-eight of the Premier League, who if you want to can be split into two bars of four, each singing to a slightly different tune.

7-10 are the European hopefuls, with the capability to damage the big guns and maybe threaten periodically to upset the established order. Each of them will at some stage have some impressive wins against the elite, and probably have a spell towards the top four, but never consistently enough. 11-14 are those who will probably never be in real threat of relegation, but also will fail to do much to worry those above them. The ones for whom their very existence would be described by Joey Tribbiani as 'moo'.

Everton are something of a miracle in the modern footballing world, operating for so long with such success on a incredibly limited budget. They have at time of writing a strong squad, albeit slightly lacking in a reliable goalscorer; but with bigger or more to the point richer clubs eyeing up some of their stars, it could all change. If they had the money to buy, say, Darren Bent, they would be a serious worry for the big guns. The team who did buy Bent, rescuing their season from something of a horror show last time round, is Aston Villa. They have lost Ashley Young and Stewart Downing, which should be a significant worry for the Holte End and their star striker. Bent has always been more of a Van Nistelrooy than an Henry - given decent service he can score hatfuls, but he is unlikely to create goals from nothing and produce out of thin air. GoldMember surely has a big job on his hands convincing the fans - I know I never liked having Harry Redknapp as our boss due to his Portsmouth connections, so can understand the admittedly stupid view of many Villa fans. Stupid or not, he will very quickly incur their wrath if all is not rosy.

By contrast, two clubs with managers likely to prove immensely popular for both their own fans and the general footballing world are Fulham and West Brom. In Martin 'my head has it's own gravitational pull' Jol and 'Woy' Hodgson, you have two proven successful managers both at clubs with limited means but a considerable depth of talent at their disposal. Both men tend to specialise at bringing the best out of their players through an apparently friendly, arm-around-the-shoulder approach and I expect these clubs to have good seasons. Shane Long could be a greta purchase for the Baggies, whilst a fully fit Bobby Zamora will be relishing the new season with a European Championship looming at the end.

Southampton wannabe's Stoke and Sunderland (red stripes are clearly where it's at) have both seen reasonable overhaul of their playing squad - Steve Bruce must wish he could go looting at United, the amount of money he's sent their way in the last few years. These teams will rattle a few cages and get some good results, but I expect them both to suffer poorer seasons than they have in the last couple.

The final two clubs to make up the meh brigade are starkly contrasting in their general demeanour. Quiet, ticking along, not bothering anyone Bolton Wanderers...and CRASH! BANG! AWOOOOGA Circus Club Newcastle United, determined to gain attention with their latest idiot move wherever possible. The Barton scandal rolls on, with it looking increasingly likely that he will stay (incidentally, being slightly more articulate than your average footballer does not transform the fact that your shameful past suggests you are a complete scrotum) which would surely be an important retention for the Toon Army. Shorn of Nolan and Carroll, to lose Barton as well would severely impact the flow of goals for the barcode men. Bolton meanwhile could continue their hangover from their Wembley trauma in April, some key injuries may well take their toll.

So, to make up part two of your collectible set, see below for my final table predictions from 7 - 14:

7: Everton – the best of the rest again, on a tiny budget, fair play to Gollum

8: West Brom – Woy to work wonders, Long and Odemwingie to fire them up the table

9: Fulham – Not many Thrillers but all in all not a Bad first season for Martin Jol

10: Villa – Early season woe, McLeish beheaded, Bent’s goals to save the season again

11: Sunderland – United Cast-Offs FC to tread water throughout

12: Stoke City – Signing more big defenders suggests more of the same from the ug-mugs.

13: Newcastle – Proud owners of the world’s most over-used ACME Self Destruct Button

14: Bolton – Injuries to take their toll on a small squad, a poor season by their standards