Sure there are the occasional high scoring romps, cruising wins against lesser lights, or the end of season dead rubber devil-may-care logic-be-damned sunsoaked goal fests - but unless you support either of the Manchester or London Giants, these days are usually few and far between.
The normal experience is too tense, too agonising, too damn important for it to be described as anything even approaching fun. As a Saints fan (present glorious days excepted) the bulk of any 90 minute match was spent chewing nails or hurling abuse at opposition players, referees or, somewhat shamefully, mascots.
When a game rolls around that does not involve my team, that all changes however. I watch the game purely and simply because I hope to be entertained. I want to enjoy it, which can come from a number of sources - some 0-0 draws can be highly entertaining games, I'm not just looking for a 5-4 every game. Last weekend, a much anticipated football fest utterly failed to deliver that entertainment.
First of all, the woefully inept Sydney FC were comfortably beaten 2-0 by the admittedly much stronger Brisbane Roar. Brisbane Roar? Brisbane Snore. Sydney FC? ZZZydney FC. Making sleep related puns out of team names was my major at Bloggington University, as you can see. It really and truly was a dire match.
The normal experience is too tense, too agonising, too damn important for it to be described as anything even approaching fun. As a Saints fan (present glorious days excepted) the bulk of any 90 minute match was spent chewing nails or hurling abuse at opposition players, referees or, somewhat shamefully, mascots.
When a game rolls around that does not involve my team, that all changes however. I watch the game purely and simply because I hope to be entertained. I want to enjoy it, which can come from a number of sources - some 0-0 draws can be highly entertaining games, I'm not just looking for a 5-4 every game. Last weekend, a much anticipated football fest utterly failed to deliver that entertainment.
First of all, the woefully inept Sydney FC were comfortably beaten 2-0 by the admittedly much stronger Brisbane Roar. Brisbane Roar? Brisbane Snore. Sydney FC? ZZZydney FC. Making sleep related puns out of team names was my major at Bloggington University, as you can see. It really and truly was a dire match.
No matter, onwards and upwards lads, the night is young. Off to the pub we head for the big one, the so-called 'biggest game in club football' (never heard of El Classico, Sralex?). Liverpool v Man United. Hatred. Years of rivalry. 19 titles. Here we go, they're off, breakneck pace, lots of action... OH COME ON!!
A less eventful first half had I not seen since...well about 3 hours earlier, but you take my point. What an anticlimactic game. It came to life slightly after the Gerrard/Giggs goal - difficult to fathom what made Ryan create a handy gap for Stevie G to slide the ball through. Does he get the assist?
Hernandez' excellent equaliser was probably more than United deserved, or more to the point should have been allowed to get - Liverpool should have taken another chance to leave themselves invulnerable to the excellent poaching skills of Little Pea. Incidentally, his movement is better than almost anyone around, he will score so many goals if he remains at successful teams for his entire career.
Despite the late flurry, the final whistle came not with the 'and, breathe...' relief that can be the case in an exciting game, more it brought a general regret. We just spent how many hours and how much money on how much crap beer, and we get that? Rubbish.
As with my previous blog, maybe I'm getting a bit righteous - it's a competitive sport after all, not 'sports entertainment' in the dramatized and - brace yourselves kids, uncomfortable truth coming - scripted manner of the WWF. Neither I nor any other supporter has the divine right to just expect entertainment like some Roman Emperor lying down being fed grapes and watching Maximus smash up that tiger. Although it's not my right, I do feel let down any time I sit through a boring game - like I've given up my time and they owe me entertainment. I feel so thrilled and strangely grateful to have been part of it after a great game, after this type of dross I just feel cheated.
I think it boils down to my roots in football. As previously mentioned, I grew up as a supporter of Southampton FC during what shall be forever known as the Le Tissier years - with the effect being I was spoiled rotten with exciting, dazzling skill week in week out as a matter of course. Drama in spades - not just Matty either, the presence of Cantona, Zola, Bergkamp, Keegan's Newcastle - all had a sense of the spectacle, the something special that made football that much more exciting to watch. Not humdrum, not boring - maybe not as ruthlessly effective as it could be, but never not entertaining.
I don't think it's too much to ask that football provides this. To be fair, it often still does. Barcelona week in week out put on a spectacle the likes of which we should all be forced to look away from lest our unworthy eyes fall out, it's that beautiful. City are showing this year that they can play the good stuff, Arsenal for years have been easy on the eye. It's hyperbolic to suggest there is nothing entertaining any more, it's just a bad run of games that I'm on at the moment.
That being said, there just seems to be a general move towards the fact that it is too important, and costs too much money, for a team to be entertainers ahead of simply getting results. It can't be the way though - football relies heavily on it's ability to sell itself for big, big money both to fans and more importantly TV companies. For that, you need entertainment. I'm putting out a plea, in classic slurred Delia fashion...come on, entertainers of the football world, where are you? Where are you?! Let's be avin you, come on!
As a final note, my run of great luck continued - having blogged about that bloody Last Man Standing competition I am now out. With that in mind, having asked for more entertainment from the Premier League, and give I'll most likely be missing the Manchester Derby due to the late late Sunday night kick-off, expect a 5-4 all time classic thriller.
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