Blow-up sex dolls
Those clowns at the fair where you win a teddy if you get the ball through it's mouth
Picture the expression on all of the above, well that's what I looked like this morning.
That scoreline, particularly on first glance printed there in black and white, is almost impossible to fathom. No-one, but no-one, does that to United. Sure, they've had some heavy defeats over the years - I've seen them concede 6 at the Dell many moons ago - but not at home. Not at Fortress Old Trafford, where they always find a way, they hardly ever drop points, they only get beaten once every couple of years. And once you get over the fact that someone gave them the tonking of a lifetime (quite literally, with the last concession of 6 at home in 1930) then you factor in the opponent - Manchester City. Of all teams.
Stunning.
Now that I've seen the match, the scoreline loses some of it's initial, mind-blowing, expletive-inducing shock. City were matching United for the opening period of the game, but the goal came during a spell where the hosts were arguably on top. On top, but not exactly looking their deadly selves. The second half, and the red card to Johnny Evans, changed all of that - United never got a sniff from that point on and City became more lethal than a Western Australia shark.
The movement they exhibited for the second and third goal was better than anything any team in the league is capable of, United on their best day aside. The finishing has been clinical all season, suggesting they will take chances even when they are not as forthcoming as they were yesterday. Balotelli looks to be producing close to his capabilities on a regular basis now (full marks also for the genius celebration), Dzeko has a happy knack of finding the back of the net, even James Milner is adapting to the increased standard around him with relish. The firepower they possess is unrivalled anywhere outside Spain, and in David Silva they have the outstanding attacking player of the Premier League.
This demolition showed without any doubt they have the attacking abilities required to do something special. It also however showed the resolve and steel with which they can now defend. Leaving Nigel De Jong on the bench and yet still comfortably dominating midfield; and with Kompany excellent (and cynical) as ever marshalling the back line, they are going to be tough to beat.
For me however the key thing that this match exhibited, which is the thing that should be giving Mancini and co the most satisfaction, is the togetherness of the team. When Chelsea first mounted a serious title threat under Jose Mourinho, they had a combined focus on one goal that seemed to be prevalent throughout every person at the entire club. There was a drive and steel that made the resultant title win seem unavoidable. I would suggest that City are beginning to demonstrate that same collective ambition, and with a 5 point lead at this early stage, they are going to take some convincing that this is not their destiny.
The league is easy to win in October mind you, and they will face many sterner tests in the months ahead. The result yesterday gave them the bonus of three points, and a significant goal difference swing against the team below them. That's the reality.
However, anyone watching this game or finding out the result must have felt the same shock and awe that I did. This was about a lot more than three points. This could be about the beginning of a dynasty. The squad they have assembled is frightening, the playing style they have adopted is devastatingly effective, the drive they are showing is irresistible, and the feeling grows, with every passing result, that the Blue Moon is well and truly rising.
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